Augusten Burroughs: Trending quotes

“Red hair is great. It's rare, and therefore superior.”

“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”

“I think I love him, but I also think that you can love people who aren't good for you.”

“Our lives are one endless stretch of misery punctuated by processed fast foods and the occasional crisis or amusing curiosity.”

“Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.”

“You deserve to need me, not to have me.”

“I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”

“I hate feelings. Why does sobriety have to come with feelings?”

“My mother began to go crazy. Not in a 'Let's paint the kitchen red!' sort of way. But crazy in a 'gas oven, toothpaste sandwhich, I am God' sort of way.”

“Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter. The fact is, I am not like other people.”

“I came to think that maybe God was what you believed in because you needed to feel you weren’t alone. Maybe God was simply that part of yourself that was always there and always strong, even when you were not.”

“Part of me believes that love is more valuable when you have to work for it.”

“Stars should not be seen alone. That's why there are so many. Two people should stand together and look at them. One person alone will surely miss the good ones.”

“I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have little memory.”

“I will please shut the hell up the day you please drop the hell dead”

“Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people.”

“I just look at her and she creeps me out. She looks like she would eat a baby. Not that she's fat. She just looks hungry in some dangerous way that can't be explained. She's always so nice and friendly. Exactly the disposition of a baby killer.”

“Think of your head as an unsafe neighborhood; don't go there alone.”

“The truth is that nobody is owed an apology for anything. Apologies are lovely when they happen. But they change nothing. They do not reverse actions or correct damage. They are merely nice to hear.”