Quotes from work
The Laundry Files

The Laundry Files is a series of novels by Charles Stross. They mix the genres of Lovecraftian horror, spy thriller, science fiction, and workplace humour. Their main character for the first five novels is "Bob Howard" , a one-time I.T. consultant turned occult field agent. Howard is recruited to work for the Q-Division of SOE, otherwise known as "the Laundry", the British government agency which deals with occult threats. "Magic" is described as being a branch of applied computation , therefore computers and equations are just as useful, and perhaps more potent, than classic spellbooks, pentagrams, and sigils for the purpose of influencing ancient powers and opening gates to other dimensions. These occult struggles happen largely out of view of the public, as the Laundry seeks to keep the methods for contacting such powers under wraps. There are also elements of dry humour and satirisation of bureaucracy.


Charles Stross photo

“It’s amazing how much work you can get done in three days if you hold a blowtorch to each end of the candle.”

Source: The Laundry Files, The Annihilation Score (2015), Chapter 7, “Officer Friendly” (p. 113)

Charles Stross photo

“I’m not a politician, even though I play-act one when the boss tells me to—I’m allowed to change my mind when my understanding of the facts changes.”

Source: The Laundry Files, The Labyrinth Index (2018), Chapter 10, “Flight Plan” (p. 301)

Charles Stross photo

“Apocalypses are easier slept through than experienced.”

Source: The Laundry Files, The Labyrinth Index (2018), Epilogue, “Debrief” (p. 360)

Charles Stross photo

“I’ve known all along I’m not qualified for this—it’s not really imposter syndrome if you really are a fake.”

Source: The Laundry Files, The Labyrinth Index (2018), Chapter 11, “A Dead God Did It and Ran Away” (p. 347)

Charles Stross photo
Charles Stross photo

“Anxiety loves company almost as much as misery.”

Source: The Laundry Files, The Labyrinth Index (2018), Chapter 10, “Flight Plan” (p. 296)

Charles Stross photo
Charles Stross photo

“Contingency time is useless wasted time, right until you need it.”

Source: The Laundry Files, The Labyrinth Index (2018), Chapter 8, “A Game of Vampires” (p. 236)

Charles Stross photo

“I’ve never been so frightened for somebody in my life: I felt totally powerless. You can’t punch extradimensional parasites out of your boyfriend’s brain.”

Source: The Laundry Files, The Labyrinth Index (2018), Chapter 6, “Leviathan’s Representative” (p. 193)

Charles Stross photo

“Story of my life. I wasted nearly a decade before I realized that life is not a game and there are no save points or second chances.”

Source: The Laundry Files, The Labyrinth Index (2018), Chapter 1, “God Save the King” (p. 40)

Charles Stross photo

“A current generation smartphone is more powerful than a 1991 supercomputer.”

Source: The Laundry Files, The Labyrinth Index (2018), Chapter 1, “God Save the King” (p. 37)

Charles Stross photo

“Venous blood isn’t really blue. In lipstick terms it’s dark plum, not crimson gloss.”

Source: The Laundry Files, The Labyrinth Index (2018), Chapter 1, “God Save the King” (p. 13)