“Uh, I thought DVDs werne't allowed at my sleepovers.
They're not.
Then why am i watching the Lady and the Tramp?”

“On some rare occasions I do go to cinema theatres abroad. But if you really ask me I would rather watch a film on DVD all alone in the dark environs of my car or my home.”

“Jack: Actually, I was found.
Lady Bracknell: Found?
Jack: Uh, yes, I was in… a handbag.
Lady Bracknell: A handbag?
Jack: Yes, it was…
[makes gestures]
Jack: an ordinary handbag.”

“I am a visual man. I watch, watch, watch. I understand things through my eyes.”

“I am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss.”

“I am Alice in Wonderland', Josie thought. 'Watch me fall.”

“When Piedmont died, I had to pay him back for my life. I found out there's another debt to pay — for the privilege of being alive. I thought Sophie was my reward for trying to live a good life. Uh uh. There is no payoff — not now.”

“She gets too hungry for dinner at eight…
She likes a crap game, but never come late…
She'd never bother with people she hates…
That's why the lady is a tramp.”

“Well, I first, uh, started doing this after World War II when I was kind of tramping around France, Germany, and the lowlands, and I came upon these frightened, waif-type children, and, uh, they actually looked like rats running around and they acted like it. And, uh, I started painting this type of thing of these chi—these children, they didn't even seem to know why—these children didn't even seem to know how to talk; they couldn't even pray. And it started like, uh, an artist work—it-it does—you don't know how to talk about it, but the painting can talk for you, and I think this is the difference between an artist and a poet and a writer: in other words, an artist, uh, paints what he has to say, where other people do it in, uh, in more verbal type of…”

“[after watching a spitting cobra spit at Steve Irwin]
Y'all, I am screaming at my television set: THEY'RE SPITTING COBRAS, YOU MORON!! Didn't you hear the”