“My knees started knocking, I did feel so sad.
Then Brown said, "Don't die in a pub, it looks bad,"
He said, "Come with me, I'll show you what to do.
Now I've got a friend who'll be useful to you."
He led me to Black's Undertaking Depot,
And Black, with some crepe round his hat said, "Hello,
My word you do look queer!"”

— Stanley Holloway

My Word! You Do Look Queer!

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Stanley Holloway 19

English stage and film actor, comedian, singer, poet and mo… 1890–1982

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“I've been very poorly but now I feel prime,
I've been out today for the very first time.
I felt like a lad as I walked down the road,
Then I met Old Jones and he said, "Well I'm blowed!
My word you do look queer!
My word you do look queer!
Oh, dear! You look dreadful: you've had a near shave,
You look like a man with one foot in the grave."
I said, "Bosh! l'm better; it's true I've been ill."
He said, "I'm delighted you're better, but still,
I wish you'd a thousand for me in your will.
My word, you do look queer!"”

Stanley Holloway (1890–1982) English stage and film actor, comedian, singer, poet and monologist

My Word! You Do Look Queer!

“I don't like this," he said. I don't like knowing you can't forgive me, Claire. Please, I said I was sorry, what do you want me to do? Beg? I will. I'll get on my knees right here if you want.”

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“Brian said, ‘You made me look bad.’ I said, ‘You make my whole team look bad,’ He’s a great player. I was just lucky.”

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“Well, I don't want you to die," Tessa said. "I don't know why I feel it so strongly -- I've just met you -- but I don't want you to die."

"And I trust you," he said. "I don't know why -- I've just met you -- but I do.”

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“When the day shall come, that we do part," he said softly, and turned to look at me, "if my last words are not 'I love you'—ye'll ken it was because I didna have time.”

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Variant: When the day shall come that we do part," he said softly, and turned to look at me, "if my last words are not 'I love you'-ye'll ken it was because I didna have time.
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“Look, did you ask me to come all the way uptown just so you could stare at me like I was something in a petri dish? Next time I'll send you a photo."
"And I'll frame it and put it on my nightstand," said Jace.”

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“One question," I said. "Did you tell me all that because you think I'm going to die?"
"No," he said. "It's because you're doing something brave, and I felt I should too."
"I'll take that as a yes," I said.”

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“Have you heard about the kid who lost his head at Six Flags? The first time I read it, I thought, "Oh my God…How can I make this funny for everybody?"…Here goes. What happened was, he was in a church youth group and he lost his hat during the roller coaster. Afterwards, he was like, "I'm going to go get my hat." And there was a big fence with signs that said, "Hey, cut your losses." And he was like, "What? Have you SEEN me in that hat? Not today, fence!" So, he climbed that fence, and then there was another fence with a sign that probably said, "Hey, come on, knock it off." He was like, "You can't tell me how to live, signs!" And he climbed over that fence and there, the story ends. Did he get the hat? I'd like to think he did. That small silver lining, "Hey, I got my hat!"”

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Then whack, right then! And I know he was on a church youth group and they don't believe in evolution, but that kid was going to get picked off sooner or later.
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“His little hand is on my heart.
He's got me where it hurts me.
Knock, knock. Who's there in this baby?
You know how to work me.
All my barriers are going.
It's starting to show.”

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Stanley Holloway 19

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