“Politeness iz often wasted, but it iz a good and cheap mistake tew make.”

“Thare iz this mutch kan be sed in favour ov good-breeding, it iz the only thing that kan make a phool endurable.”

“Every man should kno sumthing ov law--if he knows enuff tew keep out ov it, he iz a prety good lawyer.”

“Don't mistake vivacity for wit, thare iz about az mutch difference az thare iz between lightning and a lightning bug.”

“Take awl the prophecys that hav cum tew pass, and awl that hav caught on the center, and failed tew cum tew time, and make them up in an average, and yer will find, that buying stock, on the Codfish Bank ov Nufoundland, at 50 per cent, for a rise, iz, in comparison, a good spekulatiff bizziness.”

“There iz only one good substitute for the endearments ov a sister, and that iz the endearments ov sum other pheller's sister.”

“Ventilashun iz a good thing, but when a man kant lay down and sleep in a 10 aker lot without taking down two lengths ov fence to let the wind in he iz alltogether too airish.”

“To make no mistakes is not in the power of man; but from their errors and mistakes the wise and good learn wisdom for the future.”

“Intelligence is not to make no mistakes, but quickly to see how to make them good.”

“Independence, the freedom of a self-governing nation, is in my estimation the highest political good, for which any disadvantage, if need be, and any sacrifice are a cheap price.”