“The discovery of a toy duck in the soap dish, presumably the property of some former juvenile visitor, contributed not a little to this new and happier frame of mind. What with one thing and another, I hadn't played with toy ducks in my bath for years, and I found the novel experience most invigorating. For the benefit of those interested, I may mention that if you shove the thing under the surface with the sponge and then let it go, it shoots out of the water in a manner calculated to divert the most careworn. Ten minutes of this and I was enabled to return to the bedchamber much more the old merry Bertram.”

“I was three and a half years old when my father brought home a toy fiddle," playing "with which I am very happy fancies himself a street musician… I thought not and could not be happier than go from house to house with a violin."”

“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

“When I see a bird that walks like a duck and swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck. ”

“When I was inspecting the guard of honor and as I walked past one person, I saw through the corner of my eye some movement. Then I saw a man reverse his rifle at me. I ducked down a little bit in a reflex action. By my ducking, he missed my head and the brunt of the blow came on my shoulder below the left ear.”

“Well, yes, I call it the Expando-Duck. It's perfect if you need a small metal duck. Or a larger metal duck.”

“I promised myself in life that I would not stop myself from being surprised and you never know what’s going to surprise you. Some things that seem dull turn out to be the most interesting things so I just open doors and say let’s do it!”

“I shall never eat duck again. I cannot believe I used to like duck. The duck betrayed me.”

“We all love toys. I'm toy oriented. I write about toys. I've got a lot of toys. Hundreds of things. But computers are toys, and men like to mess around with smart dumb things. They feel creative. … People are talking about the Internet as a creative tool for writers. I say, "B. S. Stay away from that. Stop talking to people around the world and get your work done."”