“The growing singles world gives us another vantage point from which to see how sexual desire and excitement are a matter of distance elements. A couple goes to bed, perhaps on the first or second date, with seemingly great sexual appetite and desire for each other. The sex was "great," but the man, who believed he really wanted "great sex," never comes back for more; or the woman, who seemed to have been so "turned on" and sexually responsive, is not interested in a repeat performance.There is an often expressed "singles lament": "The ones I'm really turned on to don't seem to want me; while the people who want me, I can't get excited over."”

— Herb Goldberg

Then, finally, the disturbing conclusion: "The good ones are all taken, only the undesirable or 'sick' ones are left."</p>
Sexual excitement and distance: sex is not sex, is sex, is not sex, p. 110
The Inner Male (1987)

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Herb Goldberg 22

American psychologist 1937–2019

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