“Was it like this? (Jesse)
(Jesse made an inhuman ghost noise.)
That sounds like Darth Vader choking on a chicken bone. (Gloria)”

“To tell a woman not to talk too much was like telling Jesse James not to carry a gun, or a hen not to cackle.”

“For some, time passes slowly. An hour can seem like an eternity. For others, there was never enough. For Jesse Tuck, it didn't exist.”

“Pro wrestling had heroes and villains, and I'd already decided I was going to be a "bad guy" like "Superstar" Billy Graham. That's why I grew the blond mane, to look like a California beach bum. I knew people in the Midwest would hate that. In a sport where Gorgeous George, Gorilla Monsoon, and The Crusher were some of the big names, I knew that plain old Jim Janos wasn't going to cut the mustard. I'd always liked the name Jesse, maybe because of Jesse James. I looked on a map of California and my eyes landed on a highway that ran north of L. A. called Ventura. Jesse Ventura, the Surfer. Now that had a ring to it.”

“I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty.”

“"Now, you have to tighten your belts, because we, your leaders, mis-spent your hard-earned money." Know what would make tightening my belt a little easier? If I could tighten it around Jesse Helms' scrawny little chicken-neck.”

“At once, far off… begins a rumbling, droning noise -- like a thousand distant flying machines -- like the sound of an armada of mechanical birds -- a noise reminiscent of implacable, massive stage machinery in a masque or pageant that is several streets away. It is not one sound but many sounds combined. This is the sound of Prospero's magic.”

“I know you’re going to find this hard to believe, but for some reason I don’t understand, I actually like you…most of the time. (Simone)
Well, you also love Jesse. Obviously your taste in men leaves a lot to be desired. (Xypher)”

“When chickens get to live like chickens, they'll taste like chickens, too.”

“On the fifth day, which was a Sunday, it rained very hard. I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty.”