“But I, when I undress me
Each night, upon my knees
Will ask the Lord to bless me
With apple-pie and cheese.”

“Apple pie without the cheese is like a kiss without the squeeze.”

“I spent a night of watchfulness unto prayer, like Jacob, wrestling the whole night for the Lord's blessing, and towards morning the light of His countenance did very graciously arise upon me. My trust and confidence are renewed in Him, blessed and praised be His adorable name!”

“Won't you guide me through the dark night of the soul
That I may better understand your way
Let me be just and worthy to receive
All the blessings of the Lord into my life.”

“How about this?' Simmon asked me. "Which is worse, stealing a pie or killing Ambrose?"
I gave it a moment's hard thought. "A meat pie, or a fruit pie?”

“Oh, and I suppose the apples ate the cheese.”

“Cottleston, cottleston, cottleston pie,
A fly can't bird, but a bird can fly.
Ask me a riddle and I reply,
Cottleston, cottleston, cottleston pie.”

“It is no big deal to me. I have always been attracted to women, and I went on dates with women if they asked me…. It did not seem that different to me. But then I met my [husband], and now he is the apple of my eye.”

“Sometimes I feel so sick at the state of the world I can’t even finish my second apple pie.”

“When I was a little boy, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised, the Lord, in his wisdom, doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”