“Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, I'm just a Caveman. I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me. Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW and run off into the hills or whatever. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, did little demons get inside and type it? I don't know. My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts.”

— Phil Hartman

On Saturday Night Live, As Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer

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Phil Hartman 17

Canadian American actor, comedian, screenwriter, and graphi… 1948–1998

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“Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer (slurring): [Aboard airplane] Stewardess, could you get me another drink?
Stewardess: Sorry sir, the head steward said you already had enough.
Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer: But she don't understand, I need this drink. I'm a caveman and I'm frightened by your strange flying machine, so get me another Dewars and water, pronto.
Stewardess: Sorry sir.
Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer: Listen, I'll sue you and your WHOLE CRUMMY AIRLINE!”

Phil Hartman (1948–1998) Canadian American actor, comedian, screenwriter, and graphic artist

On Saturday Night Live, More Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer

“It's all going to go sometime. You can't take it with you. I'm not saying you should wake up every day with sunshine streaming out of your head. If I could get one day a month, I would be very grateful. But I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. I'm just figuring certain things out. It's taken me a while, and some things I could probably do without knowing.”

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Roberto Durán (1951) Panamanian boxer

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“I got jury duty … and I didn't want to go, so my friend said, "You should write something really really racist on the form when you return it. Like, you should put 'I hate chinks'." And I said, "I'm not going to put that on there just to get out of jury duty. I don't want people to think that about me." So instead I wrote, "I love chinks."”

Sarah Silverman (1970) American comedian and actress

And who doesn't?
The Conan O'Brien Show (11 July 2001) In the original joke, Silverman had said "niggers" instead of "chinks", the network asked her to change it from the first to the latter. The network and O'Brien then apologized for airing this statement, Silverman did not, stating that it was plainly satirizing the racist thought process.