“Vampires pretending to be humans pretending to be vampires … How avant-garde!”

“She's a sort of human vampire-bat”

“If you are a vampire, then a vampire is not the creature of the legends.”

“Human orgasm, firecracker. Vampire orgasm, blast.”

“There are vampires and vampires, and the ones that suck blood aren’t the worst.”

“Humanity is a vampire's greatest weakness. No matter how easy it is to turn it off, it keeps trying to fight its way back in”

“She made an impatient noise. "By the Angel, you don't know anything about your kid, do you? Do you even really know how vampires are made?"
"Well, when a mommy vampire and a daddy vampire love each other very much…”

“There are two levels of vampirism: one is the regular vampire, which is just like it has always been; and then there's the super vampires, which are a new breed we've created.”

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.”

“Is your inner vampire different from your… outer vampire?'
'Definitely. He wants me to wear midriff-baring shirts and a fedora.'
'So your inner vampire is Magnus?”