“Engvall and his wife are packing up their stuff to move, with a U-Haul sitting in their driveway.
Friend: Y'all movin?
Engvall: Nope, me and the wife just like to pack all our stuff up once or twice a week, see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign.”

— Bill Engvall

A Decade of Laughs (2004)
Here's Your Sign

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Bill Engvall 71

American comedian and actor 1957

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“Engvall is in the park flying a kite with his son.
Passerby: Y'all flyin' a kite?
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“Engvall and his buddy get off a boat with a big string of bass.
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Engvall: Nope, talked 'em into givin' up. Here's your sign.”

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“Engvall pulls his car into a gas station after his tire goes flat.
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Engvall: Nope, I was drivin' along and the other three just swelled right up!
Attendant: Well, the heat'll do that.
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“Engvall has an elk hung on the wall.
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Engvall: Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.”

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“Engvall and his wife have, for three days, had a cement truck in their yard to re-do their porch.
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Bill: No, we're making big margaritas. Here's your sign.”

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“In the store, Bill is buying some pants.
Clerk: You gonna buy these?
Engvall: Nope, gonna steal 'em. Just wanted you to see them before I walked out of the store. Here's your sign.”

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“Engvall's car breaks down on a highway, there's smoke pouring out of the hood, and a motorist stops to help him.
Motorist: Did your car break down?
Engvall: Nope, my car wanted a cigarette, so I pulled over. Here's your sign.”

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“Engvall: Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, "Hey…" (pantomimes hitting his son) "We don't hit". He looked at me like, "Here's your sign, Dad".”

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“at the Engvalls' home, Travis is about to play on the piano.
Engvall's son, Travis: I'm going to play you a song from Harry Potter.
Engvall: Oh, the movie?
Travis: No, the book. Here's your sign.
When telling the joke on Here's Your Sign: Live! (2004), he stops his son before he says "sign."”

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“Engvall is in an office elevator going up.
friend: Excuse me, are these the elevators that go up?
Engvall: No, these go side to side. The up ones are down the hall. (to audience) HE WALKED AWAY!”

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