“Jack Benny: That star has five points.”

“Jack Benny: Does it have to be both?”

“Jack Benny: We're a little late, so good night, folks.”

“Jack: Where to, Miss?
Rose: To the stars.”

“Bob: Welcome to the Lucky Strike Program. In just a few minutes, you'll see our star, Gypsy Rose Benny.”

“You know what I just realized? Jack Black… Jack White! [points to Jack White]”

“For the record, I don’t deserve this. But I have lower back pain and don’t deserve that either. (After being listed as one of the twenty most brilliant living Christian Professors. Originally sourced to Jack Benny.)”

“Jack: Oh, it's not that big a difference. You're twenty-five and I'm thirty-nine.”

“Jack: [pointing a pistol at Bob's trousers] I'm going to blow your brains out.
[Bob adjusts Jack's gun arm, so that the pistol is now pointing at Bob's head]”

“Jack: [Pointing to the tiger] He must have gone to a veterinarian in Denmark.”