“Lookin up at the huge baboons, I wondered if Khufu had some sort of secret baboon code that would get us in. But instead he barked at the statues and cowered heroically behind my legs.”

“Just my luck, on top of everything else I had to take baboon medicine.”

“The Big Baboon is found upon
The plains of Cariboo:
He goes about with nothing on
(A shocking thing to do).
But if he dressed respectably
And let his whiskers grow,
How like this Big Baboon would be
To Mister So-and-so!”

“The baboon is driving,” I noted. “Should I be worried?”

“You are one freaking awesome baboon.”

“As far as I can tell, they never get up before noon unless there's some sort of national emergency, like my leg hair.”

“Agh-uhh!” the baboon grunted. He turned and waddled up the stairs. Unfortunately, the Lakers jersey didn’t completely cover his multicolored rear.”

“Out my left, I saw baboon bum, out my right, my long-lost uncle Amos. Naturally, I decided to focus on the right.”

“Evolution is a process that never stops. Baboons who fail to exhibit moral behavior do not survive; they wind up as meat for leopards.”

“Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.”