“Coach Hedge came pounding up the stairs with Hazel at his hooves.

“Where are they?” he demanded. “Who do I kill?”

“No killing!” Annabeth ordered. “Just defend the ship!”

“But they interrupted a Chuck Norris movie!”

“Once the others were below, Hazel and Leo faced each other awkwardly. They were alone except for Coach Hedge, who was back on the quarterdeck singing thetheme song. The coach had changed the words to:, and Leo really didn’t want to know why.”

“I should've blown more stuff up." -Coach Gleeson Hedge”

“Coach Hedge shouted, 'Let the movie star go, you big ugly cupcake! Or I'm gonna plant my hoof right up your…”

“Boy," Annabeth interrupted, "I'm sure you both would've been wonderful at killing each other. But right now you need some rest.”

“Even little Herley, who couldn't have been more than eight, looked like he could go six rounds with Chuck Norris without breaking a sweat.”

“Coach," Annabeth said, "it was an accident. We were talking, and we fell asleep."
"Besides," Percy said, "you're starting to sound like Terminus."
Hedge narrowed his eyes. "Is that an insult, Jackson? 'Cause I'll-I'll Terminus you, buddy!”

“While Coach Hedge was having dinner on the foredeck, a wild pegasus appeared from nowhere, stampeded over the coach’s enchiladas, and flew off again, leaving cheesy hoof prints all across the deck. “What was that for?” the coach demanded.”

“What do you want? Where's the goddamn ice I ordered? Where's the booze? There's a war on, man! People are being killed!”

“Coach Hedge grumbled as he tended their wounds. “How come I never get invited on these violent trips?”