Mindy Kaling citations

Page 2

“Even in my revenge fantasy where all I do is exercise, I can still do only twenty-five pull-ups. Pull-ups are tough, no joke.”

“the best kind of laughter is laughter born of a shared memory.”

“I am notorious for making impassioned speeches about things nobody cares about.”

“I would rather have someone read my diary than look at my iPod playlists.”

“A remarkable thing about me is that the time that elapses between a sad thought and a flood of tears is three or four seconds.”

“The truth is, it’s hard to get people to like you, but it’s even harder to keep people liking you.”

“If it weren't for my imagination, I would weigh ten thousand pounds. This is because the only way I am able to exercise anymore is through a long and vivid revenge fantasy.”

“Listen, my body is attracted to your body but when you speak it makes my brain angry.”

“There are many teenage vampire books you could have purchased instead. I'm grateful you made this choice.”

“Why didn’t you talk about whether women are funny or not?

I just felt that by commenting on that in any real way, it would be tacit approval of it as a legitimate debate, which it isn’t.”

“In psychology (okay, Twilight) they teach you about the notion of imprinting, and I think it applies here. I reverse-imprinted with athleticism. Ours is the great non-love story of my life.”

“I kind of killed it in college. You know that saying "big fish in a small pond"? At Dartmouth college, I was freakin' Jaws in a community swimming pool.”

“I can’t for the life of me not eat something that I want to eat. You know how if you turned on a faucet in your sink to wash your hands, the idea of leaving the bathroom without turning it off is insane? That’s how I am about ignoring delicious food.”

“That’s the one nice thing about being a dork about men: you can sometimes play it off as restrained and classy.”

“I think sometimes people think cheerful is a synonym for dumb, so no one is ever cheerful.”

“And the scary thing I have noticed is that some people really feel uncomfortable around women who don’t hate themselves. So that’s why you need to be a little bit brave.”

“If I gave my mother a knitted scarf she'd be worried I was wasting my time doing stupid stuff like knitting instead of school work. Presenting a homemade knitted object to my parents was actually like handing them a detailed backlog of my idleness.”

“I am the kind of person who, if my feelings are unrequited, can completely detach from someone emotionally if I simply put my mind to it.”

“Albums that remind me of my childhood happiness make me incredibly sad now.”

“I didn't completely forget how to be nice or feminine because I have a career.”

“That's what she said.”

“I guess nothing puts a damper on a one-night stand as much as your friend pointing out all the opportunities where you might have been killed.”

“Also, chubby people can never truly pull off ethereal the same way skinny people can never be jolly.”

“You might also see that some of my playlists are simply two songs on repeat fifteen times, like I’m a psycho getting pumped up to murder the president.”

“I initially thought you were ugly, but then you walked closer to me and I realized you were pretty.”

“Confidence is just entitlement.”