Jordan Sonnenblick citations

“Did you really JUST fall, Jeffrey?
Why does everybody in my family talk in these dramatic CAPITAL LETTERS all the time? Why am I the only calm one?”

“If you promise you will get better instead of dying, I promise I will, too.”

“What do you call a planet where bad guys stroll through life with success draped around their shoulders like a King’s cloak, while random horrors are visited upon the innocent heads of children? I call it Earth.”

“Who’s that?
That’s the King.
Who’s he?
The Duke.
Who’s she?
The Princess.
What do they call you?
The Count.
What does that make me?
Umm…how about the Peasant?
And the name stuck.”

“Some kids do drugs. Some kids light stuff on fire. Me, I eat oats.”

“Note to self: It's hard to attain a state of no-mind when you're incredibly pumped up on tea and sugar and have to urinate every three and a half minutes.”

“And if there was one thing I'd finally figured out, it was that your mind is something you always CAN change.”

“I seriously think I could have sat in the middle of the kitchen floor rubbing two sticks together over a pile of dynamite blocks and gasoline cans, and my parents would be oblivious, as long as I was keeping myself occupied.”

“I dove on those papers like Sherlock Holmes on a cappuccino binge.”

“It was like seeing Bill Gates at age thirteen, times two. And half of him was wearing a cheerleader uniform. Yes, I know that’s a weird image.”

“Renee was beautiful, but she was my friend now. On the other hand, Annette was my friend, but now she was beautiful. makes about as much sense as anything ever does with girls”

“You look like a handsome young man…although you might want to zip your fly.
Mom!
What? Should I have not told you and left it for everyone else to notice at the dance?”

“Chicks dig a dude who’s sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.”