Bill Bailey citations (94 citations, Page 3)

Bill Bailey: 94 citations0 J'aime

Bill Bailey Citations

“C'est lui, dans la nuit- Docteur QuiIl voyage dans le Tardis. La boite de telephone fantastique d'espace!L'interieur est beaucoup plus grand que l'exterieurEt ça, c'est le mystere de Docteur QuiL'enemie, il s'appele Davros, le capitain des DaleksIl est demi-Dalek et demi-homme- incroyable!Il veut contrôler le monde, toujours contrôler le mondeIl se leve le matin, il veut contrôler le monde!Apres le petit-dejeuner, il veut contrôler le monde!Mais il ne contrôle le monde jamais! Ce n'est pas tres realistiqueAvec les Daleks, le Docteur est superieur."Exterminez-vous! Exterminez-vous encore! Ah, zut alors! Nous sommes perdus!"Le docteur gagne, il rit 'Ha, ha, ha- j'ai gagné parce que je suis Docteur Qui”

Bill Bailey

Lyrics

Bill Bailey: Citations en anglais

“Creationists mainly are Americans who think the world was created in 1982 to coincide with the rise of Supertramp, but you can very easily dispute this by playing some of Supertramp's earlier albums.”

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Bill Bailey

Dandelion Mind (2010)

“Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.”

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Bill Bailey

Is It Bill Bailey? (TV, 1998)

“"So go into your local branch of UBS, and say "I'd like to open an account please.", and when they say "What with?" take out a loud hailer and say "NAZI GOLD! Just like you did!"”

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Bill Bailey

Tinselworm (2008)

“I'm a vegetarian. I'm not strict; I eat fish, and duck. Well, they're nearly fish, aren't they? They're semi-submerged a lot of the time, they spend a lot of time in the water, they're virtually fish, really. And pigs, cows, sheep, anything that lives near water, I'm not strict. I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.”

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Bill Bailey

Part Troll (2004)

“(On bizarre Conspiracy Theories)
- Countries are actually closer than you think…Pilots just fly aeroplanes around longer to make you THINK they're far away
- There are tiny cameras in ham…They're called 'Hameras”

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Bill Bailey

Tinselworm (2008)

“You picked me up from school
You attended all my sporting functions
You bought me a car
Gave me use of a credit card
But how can I feel pain,
How can I feel pain,
How can I feel pain
When you're being so supportive?”

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Bill Bailey

Lyrics

“Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability. [seems to drift off in a daydream out of disenchantment, then comes back]”

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Bill Bailey

Part Troll (2004)

“(On being prepped for a gig supported by the bank, UBS) She told me not to mention Nazi Gold, and of course if you tell a comedian not to do something, they'll immediately go and do it. So I went out on stage on a giant, neon Swastika, and sang "Gold, gold/always believe in your soul/you're indestructible-like the Third Reich!""”

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Bill Bailey

Tinselworm (2008)

“Marijuana? It's harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it.
'Beards' (track 12) 5:29”

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Bill Bailey

Bewilderness: New York (audio CD, 2002)

“Arbroath; it was the scariest heckle I ever had. Arbroath, I don't know if you've ever been - very very cold throughout the year, and I was pacing up and down, primarily to keep warm really, I was freezing. And this chilling voice came from the back of the room, it just said "Stand still"… [mimes holding a rifle]
Ch. 4, 08:18”

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Bill Bailey

Bewilderness (DVD, 2001)

“BB: Are there any men in?
(no response)
BB: Any women?
Female voices: Yes!
BB: Ah, you see, there's this crisis in masculine identity at the moment. Women, totally at home with their sexuality. 'I am woman, wo-man, I, wo-MAN.' Men 'Er.. (awkward expression) Someone else'll shout out, I'll be alright'. Alright, is there any blokes in?
Masculine voices: Yeah!
BB: You see, there's a term that men feel more comfortable with. Bloke, blokey bloke bloke. It's a kind of friendly term. 'Oh, he's a bloke, lovely bloke, nice bloke, blokey bloke. I'm a bloke, you're a bloke, wahey!' It doesn't impose any unnecessary demands on us as men. 'Bloke', that's just basically 'carry stuff, don't get in the way'. 'Man', that's all kinds of other things, isn't it? That's nobility, gallantry, wisdom… that conjures up some image of a bloke in a cardigan with a pipe saying 'Cover up those table legs, mother, they're inflaming my sexual ardour'.
Ch. 24, 53:21”

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Bill Bailey

Bewilderness (DVD, 2001)

“This shed does not contain me.”

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Bill Bailey

Lyrics, Misc.

“And the thing is, I'm amazed they went with Obama at all, you know, I mean, I thought Hilary would have been a shoo-in, but no. [Shrugs] Apparently America's got an issue with gender, not with race. Huh. So, erm…”

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Bill Bailey

Dandelion Mind (2010)

“Milton Keynes: Satan's lay-by.”

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Bill Bailey

Part Troll (2004)

“It's always been my long-held belief that eventually insects will take over the world.”

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Bill Bailey

Remarkable Guide to the Orchestra (2008)

“Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams.”

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Bill Bailey

Dandelion Mind (2010)

“I was like you once, Tim. Blonde hair, scraggly beard, child-like ears. Full of beans and spunk. I once punched a bloke in the face for saying Hawk the Slayer was rubbish… but that's not the point, Tim. The point is, I was defending the fantasy genre with terminal intensity when what I should have said is "Dad, you're right. But let's give Krull a try, and we'll discuss it later."”

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Bill Bailey

Lyrics, Misc.

“Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.”

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Bill Bailey

Dandelion Mind (2010)

“Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.”

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Bill Bailey

Part Troll (2004)

“I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?”

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Bill Bailey

Tinselworm (2008)

“I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair. I call them the Eggs Of Numbing Inevitability. And when I buy them, I always ask for them in the third person: "Bill Bailey would like the Eggs Of Numbing Inevitability." I did that the other day and it answered me back, and he said to me: "No, I am Bill Bailey. You are not Bill Bailey, you are just a mere doppelgänger. I am the true Bill Bailey, in another dimension." And I went, "Oh, I hadn't planned on that." Then I thought the only way to solve this, I have to run at my doppelgänger, then we will be fused forever. So I ran full-tilt at it, and just before I got there I realised it was the highly polished side of the cheese counter.
Ch. 12, 21:57”

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Bill Bailey

Bewilderness (DVD, 2001)

“I can't ever remember ever seeing any charity porn, though. "Farmyard Frolics 3: A portion of this goes to a women's literacy programme in Eritrea."”

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Bill Bailey

Part Troll (2004)

“[Re:Claims Direct] No win, no fee, no basis in reality. Just a room above a minicab office in Acton and a steady stream of greedy simpletons whose delusion is only matched by their clumsiness.”

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Bill Bailey

Lyrics, Misc.

“Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.”

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Bill Bailey

Remarkable Guide to the Orchestra (2008)

“I'm quite lucky, because I've got a small, decorative concrete pig.”

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Bill Bailey

Cosmic Jam (tour 1995, DVD 2005, 2006)

“Who photographs kebabs?”

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Bill Bailey

Cosmic Jam (tour 1995, DVD 2005, 2006)

“Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don't actually think that's the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote 'my brain is melting' ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.”

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Bill Bailey

Is It Bill Bailey? (TV, 1998)

“It's what we've always known for many years outside of Australia…You can't have a world leader called Kevin.”

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Bill Bailey

On Kevin Rudd
Dandelion Mind (2010)

“The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said "I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg… and wrap it in meat! Makes it a bit harder."”

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Bill Bailey

Lyrics, Misc.

“I stole some pins from the noticeboard
And pressed them into my hand
And they spelled 'why?'
Why did they spell 'why'?
Because there weren't enough pins for 'oblivion'.”

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Bill Bailey

("The Song Written From The Perspective Of A Young Man Who Works At Starbucks and Probably Self-Harms", Tinselworm (2007))
Lyrics

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