Andy Rooney citations (25 citations)

Jeff Fager, Chairman of CBS News and Executive Producer of 60 Minutes — quoted in CNN, Longtime CBS newsman Andy Rooney hospitalized, CNN Wire Staff, October 26, 2011, Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/25/showbiz/andy-rooney-hospitalized/index.html, <br class="br">About

“I wish people who sell things would stop trying to guess how many of something we want to buy. I want to buy things one at a time.”

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Andy Rooney

[Andy Rooney, w:Andy Rooney, 9, Twofers, Years of Minutes, 2003, PublicAffairs, 978-1586482114]

“At the end of every television broadcast, the names of the people who worked on it are listed. Why, you may ask yourself sometimes, would so many people want to take credit for such a bad show? Well, its just like what's happened to the dollar. Credits in television suffer from inflation. There are more of them and they arent worth what they used to be, even on a good show.”

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Andy Rooney

[Andy Rooney, w:Andy Rooney, 6, Credits, Years of Minutes, 2003, PublicAffairs, 978-1586482114]

“Ive had quite a few complaints lately from people who like it when I complain about things. They say I havent complained about anything lately. So tonight, for you complaint fans, I have a complaint.”

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Andy Rooney

[Andy Rooney, w:Andy Rooney, 197, Labels, Years of Minutes, 2003, PublicAffairs, 978-1586482114]

“It's a sad day at 60 Minutes and for everybody here at CBS News. It's hard to imagine not having Andy around. He loved his life and he lived it on his own terms. We will miss him very much.”

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Andy Rooney

Jeff Fager — quoted in CBS News, Andy Rooney dead at 92, November 5, 2011, CBS, October 31, 2013 http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18560_162-57319150/andy-rooney-dead-at-92/, <br class="br">About

“I want to live my next life backwards: You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension. Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're too young to work. You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous. Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. Then you become a baby, and then… You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then… You finish off as an orgasm.”

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Andy Rooney

Variations of this piece have been misattributed to Andy Rooney, George Carlin, and Woody Allen. The original source is a variation on a piece by Sean Morey. ( "snopes.com: Andy Rooney on Everything", Snopes.com, 2012-09-09 http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney3.asp, ) <br class="br">Misattributed

“Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.”

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Andy Rooney

“Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.”

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Andy Rooney

“The one affectation I have forced on the publisher … are my apostrophe-free ellisions. Because I write my scripts to read myself, I dont spell 'don't' with an apostrophe. I spell it 'dont'. We all know the word and it seems foolish to put in an extraneous apostrophe. Punctuation marks are devices we use to make the meaning of sentences clear. There is nothing confusing about a word like 'dont' printed without an apostrophe to indicate an omitted letter.”

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Andy Rooney

“President Reagan must be happy over how bad the weather's been this winter, because its the one thing no one's blaming on him. Theres nothing television news likes better than bad weather, and we sure get a lot of it in the United States.”

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Andy Rooney