Amy Sedaris citations

“I’ve named everything that I’ve ever owned. Real or inanimate, I have to give it a first and last name. Everything in my apartment comes alive at night.”

“Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend.”

“In all the land there is only one you, possibly two, but seldom more than sixteen.”

“Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.”

“Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives.”

“Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.”

“My mother always said 'Don't bother other people.' I think that's good advice.”

“I don't mind pointing out some of the failings of old age, because we are all headed in that direction, unless of course we take our own lives before we become a burden. I'm not advocating suicide, oh wait, I guess I am.”

“I'm drawn to people who look different. I'm not exploiting. I'm not making fun of them. I'm drawn to them.”

“On the off chance that you have children, don't clean up at all. As children, my brother and sister and I loved waking up early and playing cocktail party with the leftover debris”