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Terry Pratchett Quotes
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Sir Terence David John Pratchett was an English humorist, satirist, and author of fantasy novels, especially comical works. He is best known for his Discworld series of 41 novels.

Pratchett's first novel, The Carpet People, was published in 1971. The first Discworld novel, The Colour of Magic, was published in 1983, after which Pratchett wrote an average of two books a year. His 2011 Discworld novel Snuff became the third-fastest-selling hardback adult-readership novel since records began in the UK, selling 55,000 copies in the first three days. The final Discworld novel, The Shepherd's Crown, was published in August 2015, five months after his death.

Pratchett, with more than 85 million books sold worldwide in 37 languages, was the UK's best-selling author of the 1990s. He was appointed Officer of the Order of the British Empire in 1998 and was knighted for services to literature in the 2009 New Year Honours. In 2001 he won the annual Carnegie Medal for The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents, the first Discworld book marketed for children. He received the World Fantasy Award for Life Achievement in 2010.In December 2007, Pratchett announced that he had been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's disease. He later made a substantial public donation to the Alzheimer's Research Trust , filmed a television programme chronicling his experiences with the condition for the BBC, and became a patron for Alzheimer's Research UK. Pratchett died on 12 March 2015, aged 66. Wikipedia  

✵ 28. April 1948 – 12. March 2015   •   Other names Sir Terry Pratchett
Terry Pratchett photo
Terry Pratchett: 796   quotes 895   likes

Terry Pratchett Quotes

“I always thought Detritus would be good at: "I bet you're wondrin' how many time I fired dis crossbow--"”

Terry Pratchett

Usenet

Time

“I would just like to draw attention to everyone reading the above that this should be interpreted as 'I am not dead'. I will, of course, be dead at some future point, as will everybody else.”

Terry Pratchett

http://edition.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/books/12/13/terry.pratchett
Misc

Reading , Future , Drawing , Dead

“When they're standing right in front of you, kings are a kind of speech impediment.”

Terry Pratchett book The Carpet People

The Carpet People (1971; 1992)

“I know it's a very human thing to say 'Is there anything I can do', but in this case I would only entertain offers from very high-end experts in brain chemistry.”

Terry Pratchett

after announcing his Alzheimer's diagnosis. http://edition.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/books/12/13/terry.pratchett
Misc

“No, I happen to be one of those people whose memory shuts down under pressure. The answers would come to me in the middle of the night in my sleep! Besides, I am a millionaire.”

Terry Pratchett

Response to a question asking if he would appear on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire. ALCS News http://www.alcs.co.uk/News%20Events/ALCS%20News/News%20Stories/TerryPratchettInterview.aspx?template=/printerfriendly/alcs-newspf.aspx (May 2006)
General sources

People , Sleep , Memory , Night

“Waiting is the worst part,' said Pismire.
'No it isn't,' said Owlglass, who wasn't even being trusted to hold a sword. 'I expect that having long sharp swords stuck in you is the worst part.”

Terry Pratchett book The Carpet People

The Carpet People (1971; 1992)

Waiting , Parting

“Oh, come on. Revelation was a mushroom dream that belonged in the Apocrypha. The New Testament is basically about what happened when God got religion”

Terry Pratchett

Usenet

God , Religion , Dreams

“Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb -- they're often students, for heaven's sake.”

Terry Pratchett

Usenet

Patience

“Out of Print" is bookseller speak for "We can't be hedgehogged.”

Terry Pratchett

Usenet

“Everyone's heard of Erwin Schrodinger's famous thought experiment. You put a cat in a box with a bottle of poison, which many people would suggest is about as far as you need to go.”

Terry Pratchett book The Unadulterated Cat

The Unadulterated Cat (1989)

People , Cats , Box

“Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page.”

Terry Pratchett

alt.fan.pratchett (8 August 1997) http://www.lspace.org/ftp/words/pqf/pqf
Usenet

Home

“I don't believe. I never have, not in big beards in the sky.”

Terry Pratchett

"I create gods all the time - now I think one might exist" (2008)

“I'd like to stand up for the rights of people who put everything on their burger -- chutney, mustard, pickle, mustard pickle, tomato sauce… It is common knowledge in my family that I can't tell the difference between a veggie burger and a meat one, because the ratio of burger to pickles is so high. [either misquoted or mis-thought, since not to be able to tell would mean the burger:pickles ratio is so low]”

Terry Pratchett

Usenet

People , Family , Knowledge

“Death isn't online. If he was, there would be a sudden drop in the death rate. Although it'd be interesting to see if he'd post things like: DON'T YOU THINK I SOUND LIKE JAMES EARL JONES?”

Terry Pratchett

Usenet

Death , Thinking

“The net software here did its meltdown trick again at the weekend (it happens about once every six months -- if only everything was as reliable as WordPerfect 4.2, which only chews up a novel about once every two or three years…)”

Terry Pratchett

Usenet

“Whose side are they on?' said Brocando.
'Sides? Their own, I suppose, just like everyone else.”

Terry Pratchett book The Carpet People

The Carpet People (1971; 1992)

“Keep 'em busy. That was one of the three rules of being chief that old Grimm had passed on to him. Act confidently, never say 'I don't know,' and when all else fails, keep 'em busy.”

Terry Pratchett book The Carpet People

The Carpet People (1971; 1992)

Confidence , Business

“Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.”

Terry Pratchett book The Unadulterated Cat

The Unadulterated Cat (1989)

Cats

“Old gods do new jobs.”

Terry Pratchett
God

“It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. This is in fact true. It's called living.”

Terry Pratchett

This popular quote seems to be a paraphrase of an exchange in The Last Continent:
Is it true that your life passes before your eyes before you die?'
YES.
'Ghastly thought, really.' Rincewind shuddered. 'Oh, gods, I've just had another one. Suppose I am just about to die and this is my whole life passing in front of my eyes?'
I THINK PERHAPS YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. PEOPLE'S WHOLE LIVES DO PASS IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES BEFORE THEY DIE. THE PROCESS IS CALLED 'LIVING'.
Misc

Life

“The reaper does not listen to the harvest.”

Terry Pratchett book Reaper Man

Source: Reaper Man