Robin Williams: Going

“What kind of food did we drop on Afghanistan? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter…just add a Honey Baked Ham and you've got a redneck Christmas. Why are we dropping this food on Afghanistan? Tastes a shit load better than dirt, #1. #2, difficult to have a call to jihad with a mouth full of peanut butter. Thirdly, Afghanistan is a hashish-smoking culture, and anyone who's ever been a friend of the hookah will go, (intense, stoned stare) "Pop-Tarts!"”

Robin Williams

Robin Williams: Live on Broadway (2002)

Food , Hell , Christmas

“Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz?"”

Robin Williams

Is that rude?
Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)

Sex

“But I know, as beatific as Gandhi was, there was somebody in a Bombay bar going, "I knew Gandhi…he was a prick. I saw him sucking down a pork hot dog, hitting on Mother Teresa. He kept saying, 'Who's your diaper daddy? Who's your diaper daddy?'"”

Robin Williams

Robin Williams: Live on Broadway (2002)

Dogs

“Baseball players have to go in front of a grand jury and say, "Yeah, I did cocaine. Can you blame me? It's a slow goddamn game! Come on Jack! Standing out in left field for seven innings, and there's a long white line going down to home plate! I see the guy putting it out going "Heh heh heh heh!!!!" And that damn organ music too, the whole [does intro to "Charge!"]! Third base coach is always doing this…[wiping nose, fidgeting around]. When he's doing that, I don't know whether to slide or do a line! People sliding into home plate head first, umpire goes, "You're out!"”

Robin Williams

"No, baby, I'm up now! Ha ha ha!"
A Night at the Met (1986)

People , Music , Guy , Home

“(On creating) And you get that little endorphin buzz, it's great. Why do you think Einstein looked like that? I don't think he was going "You know this is some dynamite weed! It's all relative you know."”

Robin Williams

Inside the Actors Studio (2001)

Thinking

“These drugs have side effects that go on for fuckin' days, like tendency-to-grow-another-head, oh my God! When we were growing up we knew the side effects of the drugs we were taking. Cocaine, side effects were paranoia, ninjas-on-the-lawn; quaaludes, side effects were talking in tongues, English as a second language; marijuana, side effects were laughter, Frosted Flakes.”

Robin Williams

Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)

God , Laughter , Marijuana

“I was on this German talk show and this woman said to me, she said, "Mr. Williams, why do you think there's not so much comedy in Germany?" I said, "Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?" [laughter and applause] And…it was…and here's where it got interesting. She didn't bat an eyelash. She just went "No". At that point, even God's going, "Do you get it?!"”

Robin Williams

German comedy: "Knock-knock--We ask the questions!".
Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)

God , People , Question , Thinking

“They call it freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your house! It should be called home basing! Three signs you're addicted to cocaine: First of all, if you come home to your house and you have no furniture and your cat's going "I'm outta here, prick!," Warning! Number two: If you have this dream where you're doing cocaine in your sleep and you can't fall asleep, and you wake up and you're doing cocaine, BINGO! Number three: if on your tax form it says, "$50,000 for snacks," MAYDAY!”

Robin Williams

A Night at the Met (1986)

Dreams , Home , Cats , Sleep

“(Imitating Royal Family) I've tell you we've not been inbred but don't look at the ears. That's all we can do is screw in a light bulb. Look at the teeth, look at the ears and go, something's gone wrong. Gene pool is a jacuzzi back up.”

Robin Williams

Inside the Actors Studio (2001)

Family , Light

“Twitter broke the other day, and a lot of people were going, "My Thumbs! My thumbs are moving for no reason! What's that?" "A book". "Who are you?"”

Robin Williams

"Dad. I miss you. Let's talk."
Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)

People , Books

“My God, what am I doing here? It's weird. How do you get to the Met? Money! Lots and lots of money! I can imagine Pavarotti next door at the improv going, "Two Jews walk into a bar…"”

Robin Williams

A Night at the Met (1986)

Money , God , Imagination

“Nice to be in Washington, where the buck stops here! Way to go. And then it's handed out to AIG and many other people.”

Robin Williams

Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)

People , Way

“Now, Michael is claiming racism. I'm going, "Honey, you gotta pick a race first." Baby, what are you claiming, mistreatment of elves? What are you saying?”

Robin Williams

Robin Williams: Live on Broadway (2002)

Baby

“[spoofing Mister Rogers] It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood… oh, damn, someone stole my sneakers. Let's do some wonderful things today, boys and girls; but first, do you mind if I take some more medication? It helps the day go a little bit slower. There we go. Now we're gonna do some wonderful experiments you can do around the house. Let's put Mr. Hamster in the microwave, okay?… He knows where he's going. BEEP! Pop goes the weasel! That's severe radiation. Can you say "severe radiation?"”

Robin Williams

Oh, look, you got a little balloon now.
Reality...What a Concept (1979)

Beauty , Girl , Boy , Help