Robin Williams: Trending quotes (page 2)

“Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.”

“(On creating) And you get that little endorphin buzz, it's great. Why do you think Einstein looked like that? I don't think he was going "You know this is some dynamite weed! It's all relative you know."”

“[Comparing Ronald Reagan's Cabinet to Star Wars] There's Henry Kissinger as Yoda, "Must now cannot see understanding that I be here for you. I will show you now, Nicaragua, Cambodia, Nicaragua, Cambodia, shhh. Must later understand!"”

“The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!”

“And if they legalize it, they're gonna have to regulate it and they're gonna have to put a warning on a box of joints. It's gonna have to say, "Surgeon General has determined this will make your music… awesome! Even Yanni. And if you think you liked cartoons before…"”

“In the midst of all this, there was Bernie Madoff. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the name not a clue? Did he have to be with the accounting firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?”

“[regarding Sarah Palin] "I know about Russia because I can see it from my front yard!" You have amazing eyesight, number one… Well, I can see San Quentin from my house, but that doesn't make me an expert on prison reform.”

“These drugs have side effects that go on for fuckin' days, like tendency-to-grow-another-head, oh my God! When we were growing up we knew the side effects of the drugs we were taking. Cocaine, side effects were paranoia, ninjas-on-the-lawn; quaaludes, side effects were talking in tongues, English as a second language; marijuana, side effects were laughter, Frosted Flakes.”

“And that's when you realize that God gave you a penis and a brain and only enough blood to run one at a time.”

“I'd like to welcome you the AOPA. There's also aa-AOPA. If this is your first time flying a plane on alcohol, I'd like to welcome ya!”

“Thank you. How-DY! Whoops, wrong opera house. How do you like the play, Mr. Lincoln? Duck!”

“I was on this German talk show and this woman said to me, she said, "Mr. Williams, why do you think there's not so much comedy in Germany?" I said, "Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?" [laughter and applause] And…it was…and here's where it got interesting. She didn't bat an eyelash. She just went "No". At that point, even God's going, "Do you get it?!"”

“They call it freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your house! It should be called home basing! Three signs you're addicted to cocaine: First of all, if you come home to your house and you have no furniture and your cat's going "I'm outta here, prick!," Warning! Number two: If you have this dream where you're doing cocaine in your sleep and you can't fall asleep, and you wake up and you're doing cocaine, BINGO! Number three: if on your tax form it says, "$50,000 for snacks," MAYDAY!”

“(Imitating Royal Family) I've tell you we've not been inbred but don't look at the ears. That's all we can do is screw in a light bulb. Look at the teeth, look at the ears and go, something's gone wrong. Gene pool is a jacuzzi back up.”

“[On football] You're playing a game against a man called the Refrigerator! He's not a refrigerator – he's a goddamn HOUSE with LEGS!!”

“Twitter broke the other day, and a lot of people were going, "My Thumbs! My thumbs are moving for no reason! What's that?" "A book". "Who are you?"”

“My God, what am I doing here? It's weird. How do you get to the Met? Money! Lots and lots of money! I can imagine Pavarotti next door at the improv going, "Two Jews walk into a bar…"”

“The sound crapped out for a bit, that's why I'm using SupposiSound! No one wants their tapes back, I wonder why.”

“My favorite athletes of any Olympics are always the African distance runners. You never have to drug test an African distance runner.
"Are you on drugs?"
"No, I'm looking for food."
And I'm sure in Kenya they have a chicken that can run a sub 2-hour marathon…. One of my favorite runners of all time was Abebe Bikila. He was an Ethiopian distance runner and he won the Rome Olympics [marathon] running barefoot. He was then sponsored by Adidas. He ran the next Olympics, he carried the fuckin' shoes. No performance enhancement there.”