Mark Twain: Trending quotes (page 5)

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“I started out alone to seek adventures. You don't really have to seek them—that is nothing but a phrase—they come to you.”

Mark Twain

"Taming the Bicycle" (1917)

“My kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its institutions or its officeholders. The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care for, and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease, and death.”

Mark Twain book A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

Source: A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (1889), Ch. 13.

Death , Disease , Winter , Loyalty

“The pilgrims were human beings. Otherwise they would have acted differently. They had come a long and difficult journey, and now when the journey was nearly finished, and they learned that the main thing they had come for had ceased to exist, they didn't do as horses or cats or angle-worms would probably have done — turn back and get at something profitable — no, anxious as they had before been to see the miraculous fountain, they were as much as forty times as anxious now to see the place where it had used to be. There is no accounting for human beings.”

Mark Twain book A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

Ch. 22 http://www.literature.org/authors/twain-mark/connecticut/chapter-22.html
A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (1889)

Cats , Learning , Time , Horse

“We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking. And out of it we get an aggregation which we consider a boon. Its name is public opinion. It is held in reverence. Some think it the voice of God.”

Mark Twain

Corn-Pone Opinions (1925)

God , Feeling , Thinking

“It is a mystery that is hidden from me by reason that the emergency requiring the fathoming of it hath not in my life-days occurred, and so, not having no need to know this thing, I abide barren of the knowledge.”

Mark Twain book A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

Ch 25 http://www.literature.org/authors/twain-mark/connecticut/chapter-25.html
A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (1889)

Life , Knowledge

“An unpopular opinion concerning politics or religion lies concealed in the breast of every man; in many cases not only one sample, but several. The more intelligent the man, the larger the freightage of this kind of opinions he carries, and keeps to himself.”

Mark Twain

"The Privilege of the Grave" (1905)

Religion , Intelligence

“As I slowly grow wise I briskly grow cautious.”

Mark Twain

"English as She Is Taught", The Century, Vol. 33, No. 6, April 1887 http://books.google.com/books?id=EzGgAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA932. A slightly abridged version was reprinted as Introduction http://books.google.com/books?id=CxIuAAAAYAAJ&pg=PR11 to Caroline B. Le Row, English as She Is Taught: Genuine Answers to Some Examination Questions Asked in Our Public Schools (1901)

“Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.”

Mark Twain

"A Mysterious Visit", Buffalo Express, 19 March 1870. Anthologized in Mark Twain's Sketches, New and Old‎ http://books.google.com/books?id=5LcIAAAAQAAJ (1875)

Nature

“We said there warn't no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don't. You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft.”

Mark Twain book Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Source: Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885), Ch. 18

Feeling , Home

“Humor must not professedly teach, and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. By forever, I mean thirty years.”

Mark Twain

Mark Twain in eruption: hitherto unpublished pages about men and events, 1940, Mark Twain, Bernard Augustine De Voto, Harper & brothers. This appears to be the origin of the variant:
If you would have your work last forever, and by forever I mean fifty years, it must neither overtly preach nor overtly teach, but it must covertly preach and covertly teach.
Attributed to Twain by J. Michael Straczynski in The complete book of scriptwriting, 2002, Writer's Digest Books

“He is now fast rising from affluence to poverty.”

Mark Twain

"Rev. Henry Ward Beecher's Farm" (1869), anthologized in Mark Twain's Sketches http://books.google.com/books?id=UwcCAAAAQAAJ (1872)

“The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.”

Mark Twain

How To Tell A Story (1895)

“Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered — either by themselves or by others. But for the Civil War, Lincoln and Grant and Sherman and Sheridan would not have been discovered, nor have risen into notice. … I have touched upon this matter in a small book which I wrote a generation ago and which I have not published as yet — Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven. When Stormfield arrived in heaven he … was told that … a shoemaker … was the most prodigious military genius the planet had ever produced.”

Mark Twain

The Autobiography of Mark Twain (1959 edition, edited by Charles Neider).

War , Books

“There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a Dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And You are but a Thought — a vagrant Thought, a useless Thought, a homeless Thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities.”

Mark Twain book The Mysterious Stranger

The Mysterious Stranger (1916)

Life , God , Dreams , Hell

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not.”

Mark Twain book Following the Equator

Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. XLIX
Following the Equator (1897)

Health , Way , Drink , Funny

“Truth is stranger than fiction — to some people, but I am measurably familiar with it.”

Mark Twain book Following the Equator

Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. XV
Following the Equator (1897)

People , Truth

“…when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.”

Mark Twain

Source: Autobiography of Mark Twain, Vol. 2 (2013), p. 127

“Wagner's music is better than it sounds.”

Mark Twain

Actually by Bill Nye, possibly confused due to Nye quoting Twain in More Tramps Abroad, 1897. (See also autobiography, vol. 1, p. 288.)
Misattributed

Music

“I have seen Chinamen abused and maltreated in all the mean, cowardly ways possible to the invention of a degraded nature, but I never saw a policeman interfere in the matter and I never saw a Chinaman righted in a court of justice for wrongs thus done him.”

Mark Twain

"The Treaty With China", article in The New York Tribune, 1868-08-04. Quoted in Mark Twain's Letters, volume ii, p. 239 https://books.google.com/books?id=EWvU21-vV8EC&pg=PA239&lpg=PA239&dq=%22I+have+seen+Chinamen+abused+and+maltreated+in+all+the+mean,+cowardly+ways+possible+to+the+invention+of+a+degraded+nature.%22&source=bl&ots=-MSeb52ibq&sig=7EJ2Hkgp58wiQNoBmWysiM5YcIQ&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjMxPKKvbTMAhUM4mMKHbICCt0Q6AEIHTAA#v=onepage&q=%22I%20have%20seen%20Chinamen%20abused%20and%20maltreated%20in%20all%20the%20mean%2C%20cowardly%20ways%20possible%20to%20the%20invention%20of%20a%20degraded%20nature.%22&f=false

Justice , Way , Nature

“Before taking final leave of me, my instructor inquired concerning my physical strength, and I was able to inform him that I hadn't any.”

Mark Twain

"Taming the Bicycle" (1917)