Mark Twain: Trending quotes (page 5)

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“He is now fast rising from affluence to poverty.”

Mark Twain

"Rev. Henry Ward Beecher's Farm" (1869), anthologized in Mark Twain's Sketches http://books.google.com/books?id=UwcCAAAAQAAJ (1872)

“The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.”

Mark Twain

How To Tell A Story (1895)

“Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered — either by themselves or by others. But for the Civil War, Lincoln and Grant and Sherman and Sheridan would not have been discovered, nor have risen into notice. … I have touched upon this matter in a small book which I wrote a generation ago and which I have not published as yet — Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven. When Stormfield arrived in heaven he … was told that … a shoemaker … was the most prodigious military genius the planet had ever produced.”

Mark Twain

The Autobiography of Mark Twain (1959 edition, edited by Charles Neider).

War , Books

“There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a Dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And You are but a Thought — a vagrant Thought, a useless Thought, a homeless Thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities.”

Mark Twain book The Mysterious Stranger

The Mysterious Stranger (1916)

Life , God , Dreams , Hell

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not.”

Mark Twain book Following the Equator

Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. XLIX
Following the Equator (1897)

Health , Way , Drink , Funny

“Truth is stranger than fiction — to some people, but I am measurably familiar with it.”

Mark Twain book Following the Equator

Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. XV
Following the Equator (1897)

People , Truth

“…when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.”

Mark Twain

Source: Autobiography of Mark Twain, Vol. 2 (2013), p. 127

“Wagner's music is better than it sounds.”

Mark Twain

Actually by Bill Nye, possibly confused due to Nye quoting Twain in More Tramps Abroad, 1897. (See also autobiography, vol. 1, p. 288.)
Misattributed

Music

“I have seen Chinamen abused and maltreated in all the mean, cowardly ways possible to the invention of a degraded nature, but I never saw a policeman interfere in the matter and I never saw a Chinaman righted in a court of justice for wrongs thus done him.”

Mark Twain

"The Treaty With China", article in The New York Tribune, 1868-08-04. Quoted in Mark Twain's Letters, volume ii, p. 239 https://books.google.com/books?id=EWvU21-vV8EC&pg=PA239&lpg=PA239&dq=%22I+have+seen+Chinamen+abused+and+maltreated+in+all+the+mean,+cowardly+ways+possible+to+the+invention+of+a+degraded+nature.%22&source=bl&ots=-MSeb52ibq&sig=7EJ2Hkgp58wiQNoBmWysiM5YcIQ&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjMxPKKvbTMAhUM4mMKHbICCt0Q6AEIHTAA#v=onepage&q=%22I%20have%20seen%20Chinamen%20abused%20and%20maltreated%20in%20all%20the%20mean%2C%20cowardly%20ways%20possible%20to%20the%20invention%20of%20a%20degraded%20nature.%22&f=false

Justice , Way , Nature

“Before taking final leave of me, my instructor inquired concerning my physical strength, and I was able to inform him that I hadn't any.”

Mark Twain

"Taming the Bicycle" (1917)

“…a revolutionist in my sympathies, by birth, by breeding and by principle. I am always on the side of the revolutionists, because there never was a revolution unless there were some oppressive and intolerable conditions against which to revolute…”

Mark Twain

Source: Autobiography of Mark Twain, Vol. 3 (2015), p. 451

Birth

“A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.”

Mark Twain book Roughing It

Roughing It (published 1872)
Roughing It (1872)

Money

“The Blessings-of-Civilization Trust, wisely and cautiously administered, is a Daisy. There is more money in it, more territory, more sovereignty, and other kinds of emolument, than there is in any other game that is played. But Christendom has been playing it badly of late years, and must certainly suffer by it, in my opinion. She has been so eager to get every stake that appeared on the green cloth, that the People who Sit in Darkness have noticed it -- they have noticed it, and have begun to show alarm. They have become suspicious of the Blessings of Civilization.”

Mark Twain

To the Person Sitting in Darkness http://xroads.virginia.edu/~drbr/sitting.html (1901)

Money , People , Game , Suffering

“Customs do not concern themselves with right or wrong or reason. But they have to be obeyed; one reasons all around them until he is tired, but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden.”

Mark Twain

The Gorky Incident (1906)

“The best of us would rather be popular than right.”

Mark Twain

No. 44, the Mysterious Stranger (unpublished manuscript written 1902–1908)

“There has never been a Protestant boy nor a Protestant girl whose mind the Bible has not soiled.”

Mark Twain

Source: Autobiography of Mark Twain, Vol. 2 (2013), p. 135

Girl , Boy

“Enough, enough, enough! Say no more! Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made Italy from designs by Michael Angelo!”

Mark Twain book The Innocents Abroad

Source: The Innocents Abroad (1869), Ch. 27

“…why doesn't somebody write a tract on "How to Be a Christian and yet keep your Hands off of Other People's Things."”

Mark Twain

Source: Autobiography of Mark Twain, Vol. 3 (2015), p. 222

People

“When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a temporary fool of him besides, what excuse are you going to offer for preaching it, teaching it, extending it, perpetuating it? Shall you say, the best good of the country demands allegiance to party? Shall you also say it demands that a man kick his truth and his conscience into the gutter, and become a mouthing lunatic, besides?”

Mark Twain

"Consistency", paper read at the Hartford Monday Evening Club on 5 December 1887. The Complete Essays of Mark Twain, p. 582 http://books.google.com/books?id=sujuHO_fvJgC&pg=PA582&dq=%22When+the+doctrine+of+allegiance%22 (First published in the 1923 edition of Mark Twain's Speeches, ed. Albert Bigelow Paine, pp. 120-130, where it is incorrectly dated "following the Blaine-Cleveland campaign, 1884." (See Mark Twain's Notebooks & Journals (1979), ed. Frederick Anderson, Vol. 3, p. 41, footnote 92 http://books.google.com/books?id=kMbeUm4pJwsC&pg=PA41) Many reprints repeat Paine's dating.)

Truth , Fools , Country

“France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.”

Mark Twain

Mark Twain's Notebook (1935)

Winter , Summer , Country