Mark Twain: Trending quotes (page 23)

“I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.”

“Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.”

“Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.”

“When in doubt tell the truth. It will confound your enemies and astound your friends.”

“Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs one step at a time.”

“There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer them, or turn them into literature.”

“I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.”

“If books are not good company, where shall I find it?”

“I do not wish any reward but to know I have done the right thing.”

“Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.”

“A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.”

“I can last two months on a good compliment.”

“There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.”

“What is the difference between a taxidermist & a tax-collector? The taxidermist only takes your skin.”

“A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.”

“To do good is noble. To tell others to do good is even nobler and much less trouble.”

“Whiskey is for drinking. Water is for fighting over.”

“It is easier to stay out than to get out.”

“To me [Edgar Allen Poe's] prose is unreadable—like Jane Austin's [sic]. No there is a difference. I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death.”