Bill Hicks: Trending quotes (page 5)

Bill Hicks trending quotes. Read the latest quotes in collection
Bill Hicks: 200   quotes 10   likes

“I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.”

Bill Hicks

Shock and Awe (2003)

“Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.”

Bill Hicks

Rant in E-Minor (1997)

“You know it's true that politics does make for strange bedfellows. I read a quote from Saddam Hussein two days after the [Clinton] election, we had to wait two days for him to quit gut laughing. "Aaaahahahahaha, the elephant is dead," Saddam Hussein says in his quote, "we have nothing against America, we just want to see George Bush beheaded and his head kicked down the road like a soccerball." And I thought: that's so weird, 'cause … that's what I wanted to see! Wow, me and Hussein, we're like this! Who would'a thunk it?!”

Bill Hicks

Revelations (1993)

Quotes , Waiting , Reading , Dead

“Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it?”

Bill Hicks

Chicago '91 (1991)

Law

“Folks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um – they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right? There's another 90 percent of our brains that we have to illuminate.”

Bill Hicks

Filling Up the Hump (1993)

Time

“I was walking through Central Park, and I saw an old man smoking. Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking. This guy was ancient, bent over a walker, puffing away. I'm like, "Duuude, you're my hero! Guy your age smoking, man, it's great."”

Bill Hicks

He goes, "What? I'm 28."
Shock and Awe (2003)

Age , Guy , Personality

“I quit smoking. It's very hard, but I'm glad I did. I'll tell you, this war against drugs in the US is the reason I quit because I got too fuckin' sick of being on the wrong side. The war against drugs, which actually is a war against civil rights, don't ever be fooled again. If they cared about us they'd get rid of the number one drug which is cigarettes; kills more people than crack, coke, and heroin combined, times 100. Legal.”

Bill Hicks

Salvation (2005)

War , People , Fools , Time

“People tell me, 'Bill, let it go. The Kennedy assassination was years ago. It was just the assassination of a President and the hijacking of our government by a totalitarian regime — who cares? Just let it go.' I say, 'All right then. That whole Jesus thing? Let it go! It was 2,000 years ago! Who cares?”

Bill Hicks

Revelations (1993)

People

“This needs to be said: there never was a war. "How can you say that, Bill?" Well, a war is when two armies are fighting. So you can see, right there, there never was a war … People say to me, "Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves." Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves? May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps … sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?”

Bill Hicks

on Persian Gulf War
Chicago '91 (1991)

War , People , Feeling , Water

“Another thing. This idea of "I'm offended". Well I've got news for you. I'm offended by a lot of things too. Where do I send my list? Life is offensive. You know what I mean? Just get in touch with your outer adult. And grow up. And move on. Reasonable people don't write letters because… A: They have lives and B, they understand it's just TV. C: If they see something they don't like, something they do like might be on later. I've seen many comics I've hated. I've seen many shows that have offended me. I've never written a letter. I just go about my life.”

Bill Hicks

Interview with Howard Stern

Life , Hate , People , Idea

“[mimics someone complaining about second hand smoke] Good theory. But guess what, if I don't smoke there's going to be secondary bullets coming your way, 'cause I'm that tense.”

Bill Hicks

Sane Man (1989)

Way

“Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day. Doesn't Rush Limbaugh remind you of one of those gay guys that like to lie in a tub while other guys pee on him?”

Bill Hicks

Filling Up the Hump (1993)

Lie , Guy

“"Now, you have to tighten your belts, because we, your leaders, mis-spent your hard-earned money." Know what would make tightening my belt a little easier? If I could tighten it around Jesse Helms' scrawny little chicken-neck.”

Bill Hicks

Rant in E-Minor (1997)

Money

“[to audience member] How much do you smoke a day sir? [the man says a pack] Pack! What a little puss. Gosh, why don't you just put a dress on and show it all to us while you smoke your little faggoty pack. C'mon, swish around for us. Damnit that pisses me off. I go through two lighters a day, dude. I'm starting to feel it.”

Bill Hicks

Sane Man (1989)

Feeling

“Now, you have to tighten your belts, because we, your leaders, mis-spent your hard-earned money.”

Bill Hicks

Know what would make tightening my belt a little easier? If I could tighten it around Jesse Helms' scrawny little chicken-neck.
Rant in E-Minor (1997)

Money

“How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? …Seventy percent. What the fuck?”

Bill Hicks

Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
Shock and Awe (2003)

People

“The idea of getting a, you know, syringe full of heroin and shooting it in the vein under my cock right now seems like almost a productive act.”

Bill Hicks

I'm Sorry Folks (1989); this title may refer to a bootleg recording of a live performance.

Idea

“Dinosaur fossils? God put those here to test our faith.”

Bill Hicks

Source: Revelations (1993)
Context: I think God put you here to test my faith, dude. Does that bother anybody else—the idea that God might be … fucking with our heads? I have trouble sleeping with that knowledge. Some prankster God running around, [pantomimes digging] "We'll see who believes in Me now! I am the Prankster God. I am killing Me!"

God , Faith

“They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well—you just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.”

Bill Hicks

Source: Revelations (1993)

Marijuana , Lie , Effort