Ambrose Bierce: Trending quotes (page 9)

“Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego.”

“When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward.”

“Revelation, n. A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.”

“In'ards, n. pl. The stomach, heart, soul, and other bowels.”

“Monday, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.”

“Gallows, n. A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor is translated to heaven. ”

“Witch, n. (1) An ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.”

“When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.”

“We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.”

“Defenceless, adj. Unable to attack.”

“Bacchus, n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.”

“Success, n. The one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.”

“Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.”

“O proud philanthropist, your hope is vain
To get by giving what you lost by gain.”

“Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.”

“Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.”

“The virtues chose Modesty to be their queen.
"I did not know that I was a virtue," she said. "Why did you not choose Innocence?"
"Because of her ignorance," they replied. "She knows nothing but that she is a virtue."”

“Clock, n.: A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.”

“Callous, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.”