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Ambrose Bierce: 408 quotes14 likes

“Land, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure. Carried to its logical conclusion, it means that some have the right to prevent others from living; for the right to own implies the right exclusively to occupy; and in fact laws of trespass are enacted wherever property in land is recognized. It follows that if the whole area of terra firma is owned by A, B and C, there will be no place for D, E, F and G to be born, or, born as trespassers, to exist.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Infancy, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, 'Heaven lies about us.' The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: Epigrams, p. 346

“There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: Epigrams, p. 345

“Advice, n. The smallest current coin.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Freebooter, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Absent, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilifed; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Insurrection, n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: Epigrams, p. 367

“Zeal, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: Epigrams, p. 364

“Helpmate, n. A wife, or bitter half.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Resign, v. To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: Epigrams, p. 358

“To men a man is but a mind. Who cares
What face he carries or what form he wears?
But woman's body is the woman. O,
Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go,
But heed the warning words the sage hath said:
A woman absent is a woman dead.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Electricity, n. The cause of all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. It is the same thing as lightning, and its famous attempt to strike Dr. Franklin is one of the most picturesque incidents in that great and good man's career.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)