Ambrose Bierce: Trending quotes (page 7)

“Infancy, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, 'Heaven lies about us.' The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.”

“To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.”

“There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only.”

“Advice, n. The smallest current coin.”

“Freebooter, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.”

“Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.”

“Absent, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilifed; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another.”

“Insurrection, n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.”

“The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.”

“Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.”

“Zeal, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.”

“Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.”

“Helpmate, n. A wife, or bitter half.”

“Resign, v. To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.”

“Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.”

“To men a man is but a mind. Who cares
What face he carries or what form he wears?
But woman's body is the woman. O,
Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go,
But heed the warning words the sage hath said:
A woman absent is a woman dead.”

“Electricity, n. The cause of all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. It is the same thing as lightning, and its famous attempt to strike Dr. Franklin is one of the most picturesque incidents in that great and good man's career.”

“Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.”

“Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.”