Ambrose Bierce: Trending quotes (page 6)

“Back, n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.”

“Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.”

“The most offensive egotist is he that fears to say "I" and "me." "It will probably rain "—that is dogmatic. "I think it will rain"—that is natural and modest. Montaigne is the most delightful of essayists because so great is his humility that he does not think it important that we see not Montaigne. He so forgets himself that he employs no artifice to make us forget him.”

“Alone, adj. In bad company.”

“Heaven, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.”

“The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.”

“Neighbor, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.”

“The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.”

“If you would be accounted great by your contemporaries, be not too much greater than they.”

“Rational, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.”

“Capital, n. The seat of misgovernment.”

“Justice, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.”

“Mark how my fame rings out from zone to zone:
A thousand critics shouting: "He's unknown!"”

“Sabbath, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.”

“Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.”

“Past, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance. A moving line called the Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the Future. These two grand divisions of Eternity, of which the one is continually effacing the other, are entirely unlike. The one is dark with sorrow and disappointment, the other bright with prosperity and joy. The Past is the region of sobs, the Future is the realm of song. In the one crouches Memory, clad in sackcloth and ashes, mumbling penitential prayer; in the sunshine of the other Hope flies with a free wing, beckoning to temples of success and bowers of ease. Yet the Past is the Future of yesterday, the Future is the Past of to-morrow. They are one--the knowledge and the dream.”

“Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.”

“Ambition, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.”

“Congratulation, n. The civility of envy.”