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“ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Context: Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

“TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.”

Ambrose Bierce

“FUTURE, n.
That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Context: Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous

“Saint, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Liberty, n. The distinction between freedom and liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have never been able to find a living specimen of either.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: Epigrams, p. 343

“Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the Government from running amok by hamstringing it.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Riven and torn with cannon-shot, the trunks of the trees protruded bunches of splinters like hands, the fingers above the wound interlacing with those below.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: What I Saw At Shiloh (1881), VII

“Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Cannon, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: Epigrams, p. 363