Ambrose Bierce: Trending quotes (page 5)

“Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.”

“DOG: A kind of additional or subsidiary Diety designed to catch the overflow or surplus of the world's worship.”

“Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.”

“TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.”

“FUTURE, n.
That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.”

“acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”

“LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.”

“Saint, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.”

“Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.”

“Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other.”

“Liberty, n. The distinction between freedom and liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have never been able to find a living specimen of either.”

“To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil.”

“Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the Government from running amok by hamstringing it.”

“Riven and torn with cannon-shot, the trunks of the trees protruded bunches of splinters like hands, the fingers above the wound interlacing with those below.”

“Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.”

“Labor, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property of B.”

“Cannon, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.”

“He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.”

“Diplomacy, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.”