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Ambrose Bierce: 408 quotes14 likes

“Twice, adv. Once too often.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Devil's Dictionary and Other Works

“Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Alliance - In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Devil's Dictionary and Other Works

“Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“DISOBEDIENCE, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Devil's Dictionary and Other Works

“ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Clarionet, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet -- two clarionets.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Good-bye -- if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease or falling down the cellar stairs.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting”

Ambrose Bierce

Variant: Peace: A period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Moonlit Road and Other Ghost and Horror Stories

“Birth, n. The first and direst of all disasters.”

Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“I was born to poor because of honest parents.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Think twice before you speak to a friend in need”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary