Ambrose Bierce: Trending quotes (page 3)

“MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.”

“Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.”

“Vote, v. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.”

“Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.”

“Lawyer – One skilled in the circumvention of the law.”

“Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.”

“Mayonnaise, n. One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.”

“History – An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.”

“The hardest tumble a man can take is to fall over his own bluff.”

“Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.”

“Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.”

“BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.”

“Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.”

“Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.”

“Impiety, n. Your irreverence toward my deity.”

“Amnesty, n. The state’s magnaminity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.”

“NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.”

“War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.”

“Self-evident, adj. Evident to one's self and to nobody else.”