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Ambrose Bierce: 408 quotes14 likes

“Conservative, n. A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with others.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.”

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.”

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Devil's Dictionary and Other Works

“Vote, v. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.”

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Lawyer – One skilled in the circumvention of the law.”

“Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Mayonnaise, n. One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“History – An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.”

“The hardest tumble a man can take is to fall over his own bluff.”

“Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.”

“Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.”

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.”

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Context: Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

“Impiety, n. Your irreverence toward my deity.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Devil's Dictionary

“Amnesty, n. The state’s magnaminity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.”

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.”

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.”

"War Is God's Way of Teaching Us Geography" https://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/05/19/geography/ at Quote Investigator <br class="br">"The comment 'War is God's way of teaching Americans geography,' is continually attributed to Ambrose Bierce. Biographer David E. Schultz, who has nearly all of Bierce's writing entered on his computer, cannot find this acerbic remark within that database." Ralph Keyes, The Quote Verifier (2007), p. 240 <br class="br">Misattributed

“Self-evident, adj. Evident to one's self and to nobody else.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Devil's Dictionary