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“Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: Epigrams, pp. 372-373

“Study Herod, madame, study Herod.”

Ambrose Bierce

When asked about how to rear obnoxious children by an irritating interviewer. http://books.google.com/books?id=dUgPxKzVq9AC&pg=PA25&lpg=PA25&dq=study+herod+madame+study+herod&source=bl&ots=_I14EG7TXF&sig=_iMbpV_AKe9HZ2U8L0Xi93jcAe8&hl=en&sa=X&ei=vWl5VJvXLqy1sQSw74HADg&ved=0CCAQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=study%20herod%20madame%20study%20herod&f=false

“A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: Epigrams, p. 356

“Virtues, n. pl. Certain abstentions.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Friendless, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Kilt, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“True, more than a half of the green graves in the Grafton cemetery are marked "Unknown," and sometimes it occurs that one thinks of the contradiction involved in "honoring the memory" of him of whom no memory remains to honor; but the attempt seems to do no great harm to the living, even to the logical.”

Ambrose Bierce book A Bivouac of the Dead

A Bivouac of the Dead, The New York American, November 22, 1903

“While you have a future do not live too much in contemplation of your past: unless you are content to walk backward the mirror is a poor guide.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: Epigrams, p. 374

“Woman would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.”

Ambrose Bierce

Epigrams

“"There's no free will," says the philosopher; "To hang is most unjust."
"There is no free will," assents the officer; "We hang because we must."”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: Epigrams, p. 350

“Slang is a foul pool at which every dunce fills his bucket, and then sets up as a fountain.”

Ambrose Bierce

Source: Epigrams, p. 369

“Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Pig, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Zeus, n. The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog. Some explorers who have touched upon the shores of America, and one who professes to have penetrated a considerable distance to the interior, have thought that these four names stand for as many distinct deities, but in his monumental work on Surviving Faiths, Frumpp insists that the natives are monotheists, each having no other god than himself, whom he worships under many sacred names.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“White, adj. and n. Black.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Hers, pron. His.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Accord, n. Harmony.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

“Once, adj. Enough.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)