Helen Fielding citations

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.”

“Can officially confirm that the way to a man's heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex, or alluringness of character, but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him.”

“I will not fall for any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomanics, chauvists, emotional fuckwits or freeloaders, perverts.”

“Tom has a theory that homosexuals and single women in their thirties have natural bonding: both being accustomed to disappointing their parents and being treated as freaks by society.”

“I like you very much. Just as you are.”

“I will not get upset over men, but instead be poised and cool ice-queen.”

“It is proved by surveys that happiness does not come from love, wealth, or power but the pursuit of attainable goals.”

“But if you are single the last thing you want is your best friend forming a functional relationship with somebody else.”

“Thank you, Daniel, that is very good to know. But if staying here means working within 10 yards of you, frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's arse.”

“Don't say 'what,' say 'pardon,' darling, and do as your mother tells you.”

“I'm no good at anything. Not men. Not social skills. Not work. Nothing.”

“When someone loves you it's like having a blanket all round your heart…”

“Oh God, what's wrong with me? Why does nothing ever work out?”

“Emotional fuckwittage”

“Come on, let's get you a drink. How's your love life, anyway?

Oh God. Why can't married people understand that this is no longer a polite question to ask? We wouldn't rush up to them and roar, "How's your marriage going? Still have sex?”

“I am a child of Cosmopolitan culture, have been traumatized by supermodels and too many quizzes and know that neither my personality nor my body is up to it if left to its own devices. I can't take the pressure.”

“Sink into morbid, cynical reflection on how much romantic heartbreak is to do with ego and miffed pride rather than actual loss”

“Eventually, I manage to cheer Mum up by allowing her to go through my wardrobe and criticize all my clothes…”

“One must not live one's life through men but must be complete on oneself as a woman of substance.”

“Valentine's Day purely commercial, cynical enterprise, anyway. Matter of supreme indifference to me.”

“.. we were always taught, instead of waiting to be swept off our feet, to 'expect little, forgive much'.”

“Oh God. valentine's Day tomorrow. Why? Why? Why is (the) entire world geared to make people not involved in romance feel stupid when everyone knows romance does not work anyway. Look at (the) royal family. Look at Mum and Dad.”