Carl Hiaasen citations

“The first rule of hurricane coverage is that every broadcast must begin with palm trees bending in the wind.”

“Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I'd be doing a hundred and twenty.”

“Roy remembered the time he and his father had a talk about fighting. 'It's important to stand up for what's right,' Mr. Eberhardt had said, 'but sometimes there's a fine line between courage and stupidity.”

“Mickey Cray had been out of work ever since a dead iguana fell from a palm tree and hit him on the head.”

“I try not to stand on a soapbox and scream. That's boring. You've got to be funny sometimes. All my humor comes from anger. Satire is terrific therapy. Making people laugh is a joy, but making them think about something serious is the ultimate reward.”

“In my business, fear is a sane and very healthy emotion. That's because death and disaster aren't abstractions. They're as goddamn real as real can be.”

“A Ph.D. in microbiology is not necessary to grasp the concept: Clean water is good. Poopy water is bad.”

“I know you're not a stupid person, so why would you ask such a stunningly stupid question?”