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@xy, member from Sept. 25, 2023

Favourite quotes (21448)

“That is just the way with some people. They get down on a thing when they don’t know nothing about it.”

Mark Twain book Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Source: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

“Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.”

Mark Twain (1835–1910) American author and humorist

“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it.”

Mark Twain (1835–1910) American author and humorist

Part VI: "Two Fragments from a Suppressed Book Called 'Glances at History' or 'Outlines of History' ".
Papers of the Adams Family (1939)
Variant: Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.
Context: In a monarchy, the king and his family are the country; in a republic it is the common voice of the people. Each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak. And it is a solemn and weighty responsibility, and not lightly to be flung aside at the bullying of pulpit, press, government, or the empty catch-phrases of politicians. Each must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, and which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide it against your convictions is to be an unqualified and inexcusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let men label you as they may. If you alone of all the nation shall decide one way, and that way be the right way according to your convictions of the right, you have done your duty by yourself and by your country — hold up your head! You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Only when a republic's life is in danger should a man uphold his government when it is in the wrong. There is no other time.
This Republic's life is not in peril. The nation has sold its honor for a phrase. It has swung itself loose from its safe anchorage and is drifting, its helm is in pirate hands.

“Politicians are like diapers: they should be changed often, and for the same reason”

Mark Twain (1835–1910) American author and humorist

Not found in Twain's works. A 1993 newspaper humor column attributes this saying to Reader's Digest: "Picking it up from a Reader's Digest fan, Willie, our ex-shoe shine boy, says some politicians are like diapers. They both need changed often ... and for the same reason." Also attributed to Reader's Digest in Naomi Judd's 1993 book Love Can Build a Bridge https://books.google.com/books?id=AMmrqZkq3JQC&pg=PA262&dq=%22politicians+are+like+diapers%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiQ2obup6LKAhUBS2MKHfacCmsQ6AEIITAB#v=onepage&q=%22politicians%20are%20like%20diapers%22&f=false: 'A quip I once saw in Reader's Digest said: "Most politicians are like diapers: they should be changed often, and for the same reason!"'. Not found attributed to Twain until 2010 https://books.google.com/books?id=gNwqfJkXjVsC&pg=PA448&dq=%22politicians+are+like+diapers%22+twain&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjUq_C6qaLKAhVM7GMKHTuwAfIQ6AEIIzAB#v=onepage&q=%22politicians%20are%20like%20diapers%22%20twain&f=false Misattributed Variant: Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason Source: Bill Hastings, "Books, Bricks, Nap's, Tom, , Tres, Tracy ..." https://www.newspapers.com/newspage/14184165/, Indiana Gazette, 1993-09-10, p. 11

“Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.”

Mark Twain (1835–1910) American author and humorist

“Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”

Mark Twain Christian Science

Source: Christian Science

“Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.”

Mark Twain (1835–1910) American author and humorist

“Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.
BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR.”

Mark Twain book Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Notice
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885)
Source: The Adventures of Huck Finn

“The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”

Mark Twain (1835–1910) American author and humorist

Variant: The report of my death was an exaggeration.

“A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.”

Mark Twain (1835–1910) American author and humorist

“Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts or happenings. It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever flowing through one's head.”

Mark Twain (1835–1910) American author and humorist

“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."

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Mark Twain (1835–1910) American author and humorist

“The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”

Mark Twain (1835–1910) American author and humorist

“I thoroughly disapprove of duels. I consider them unwise and I know they are dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man should challenge me now I would go to that man and take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet retired spot and kill him.”

Mark Twain (1835–1910) American author and humorist

In revised edition, Vol. I, "Friday, January 19, 1906, About Dueling.", p. 298, The Autobiography of Mark Twain, 1959, Charles Neider, Harper & Row
Mark Twain's Autobiography (1924)

“Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.”

Mark Twain book Life on the Mississippi

Source: Life on the Mississippi

“Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.”

Mark Twain (1835–1910) American author and humorist

“Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”

Mark Twain book Pudd'nhead Wilson

Variant: Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Source: Pudd'nhead Wilson